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I don't have the financial freedom to change it. I don't have much money to invest in a potentially money-earning hobby. My laziness also prevents me from trying, too. I once had a hard stop on my life: if I couldn't get a degree-relevant early-career job within 1 year of active searching after graduating, I'd off myself. But I went to a therapist once and decided that I should just give myself more time. Now the hard stop is if I'm 40 (or my parents die) and I haven't reached a good place, I'm yeeting out of here. I'd prefer not to fail within that 1 year and be a burden on my mother (and also live with her. At least she's more tolerable after I broke her), but I've somewhat resigned myself to this default worst-case fate. She said it's okay too. But I probably wouldn't be happy being stagnant. COVID has caused a real slump in my sense of self-progress. But at the start of this week, I decided I really need to change my attitude that my life requires a purpose or passion. I want to stop sabotaging myself.
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